Medium Article Review Part Two (TikTok Edition)

The Engineered Wasteland: Why Romance Died, and Transaction Was Born

The image depicts a dystopian scene with a shattered classical statue of embracing lovers in the foreground, symbolizing the death of romance. In the background, two cold, hooded figures are engaged in a sterile exchange under a harsh neon sign that reads "TRANSACTION," representing the birth of a transactional world.

A Historical Autopsy of Love in Black South Africa

The Incinerating Questions

An environment that swats any attempt to establish a sense of self-worth, and labels you unreasonable for even daring is no place for romance.

And I'm gonna tell you what I think it's built for.

This environment is only for transactional relationships and survival of the fittest—which leads to these incinerating questions: how did women come to be in such an environment? Should we give them more credit for adapting to such an environment? Should a set of new rules be introduced for their survival, given the current climate? Is the environment even that harsh?

I'll answer these questions, but first, let's examine how transactional relationships evolved into something both men and women came to loathe.

Phase 1: The Monetization of Life (1652-1948)

Everything has a root cause, and so does transactional relationships. First of all black women are fighting white supremacy and white patriarchy, though indirectly. So for those doing the work, we are decentering white supremacy as much as we are decentering what our black men seemingly claim as their own system.

As much as the equality clause of section 9 of the 1996 South African Constitution prohibits unfair discrimination on grounds of sex gender and sexual orientation, it didn't restore the balance and dignity as it sought to, because despite this legal revolution the socio-economic legacy of colonialism and apartheid persists—which is the tradition many black men want to return to, but there's nothing traditional about it, because FYI, any semblance of pure African tradition according to history can be traced back to pre-1652. Anything after that is colonization. Your great grandfathers, and grandfathers were colonized. The great grandmothers and grandmothers we're "supposed" to be like, were colonial babies.

My take on our societies being purely made for transaction instead of romance stems from what's called "Colonization and the Monetization of Life." From 1652-1948—296 years of colonial rule—the "African Economy" was dismantled and a cash based colonial one emerged.

Men had to seek wage labor in white-owned farms, mines, and cities. This period clearly shows that women didn't choose to uphold the family structure while the men left for the cities. They were simply at the wrong end of colonization, they were restricted and excluded, because they weren't useful in this so-called "wage labor regime."

So the man becomes a breadwinner, the woman becomes economically dependent, the man controls the new currency, and the woman loses economic autonomy. Prior to 1652, women's agricultural work was as highly valued as any labor. The social power dynamic was clan-centric and not individual. But 1652-1948 saw the devaluation of this economic role women undoubtedly thrived in.

Phase 2: The Engineering of Dependency (1948-1994)

Then we move to 1948-1994, 46 years post colonialism, entering apartheid—a period called the "Engineering Dependency Era." Where apartheid policies brutally accelerated the trends of colonization, making transactional relationships a matter of survival for black communities.

The Pass laws and Urban Areas Act strictly controlled the movement of black people. Women especially had difficulty moving to cities to join their husbands, thus the birth of the "town wives" and "rural wives." Then hyper materialism was a survival strategy which both men and women fell hard for. Identities of pre-1652 were long lost by then and this is modern Africanism.

Romantic choice was heavily influenced by a man's economic potential. Being with a man with a stable job in the city was a lifeline for women, and those men knew it. From here you see black men financially and physically abusing the "rural wives." You see black men oppressing these women through a patriarchal narrative that even their ancestors didn't hold. You see black men choosing cruelty over building and restoration. You see religion creeping in the harshest forms. The pattern: black people distracted, white supremacy taking a new form and black women at the bottom.

Phase 3: The Modern Transactional Paradox (1994-Present)

Entering 1994-present day—the "Post Apartheid and Constitutional Revolution" aka "The Modern Transactional Paradox"—where despite legal revolution the socio-economic legacy of colonialism and apartheid persists, creating a complicated modern reality.

So this is where we see:

1. Persisted Inequality: high unemployment, poverty, and inequality. Economic pragmatism at this point remains a key factor in relationships.

2. The Blesser Phenomenon: the ultimate expression of the transactional relationship. This is a direct continuation of this survivalist hyper materialism entrenched during apartheid.

3. Clash of Values: an ongoing tension between constitutional equality and deeply ingrained patriarchal norms.

The Core Realization: You Are Not Fighting "Black Men"

So if as a woman you are decentering men, know that:

1. Your environment isn't engineered for romance.

2. You're not fighting against what black men consider their "birthright" as males, but the very foundation that wiped their true identity as African men. You are fighting against decades of carefully engineered white supremacy and white patriarchal systems that dismantled, destroyed, and divided, and then brought "solutions" to further integrate its power structure—so nothing for the "blacks."

I am not saying accept or even tolerate black men's behavior—no, that would defeat the whole purpose of romantic power for black women. I am saying, if anything, arm yourself with that knowledge. Let it inform you of something most black men aren't aware of, because you're also cutting yourself off from that chord—a lifetime of chains that for ages and many generations ensured that you as a black woman are always at the bottom, victimized and helpless.

We've answered why this social setting we live in isn't one for romance.

Answering the Incinerating Questions

1. How did women come to be in such an environment?

Well there's a lot of discourse around feminism where a group of people state that feminism was never a black woman's mantle to carry, that it was white women's business. I find that very problematic because it perpetuates a narrative that black gender institutions are spot free—no problem of its own that needs addressing. It seeks to silence black women. They further say that feminism is distracting black women, because black people have a racial issue to deal with.

And to that, I say I wouldn't fight racial injustice with a black male centered mindset as a weapon of choice. Black women found themselves in this environment because of trusting a black man who for generations has regurgitated white washed social norms under the guise of leadership. Black women found themselves in this environment, because they've been following a blind man for ages. At some point something occurred to garner trust enough to convince black women to put their future at the hands of their counterparts. They adapted to different climates hoping and trusting that it would get them to this future.

2. Should we give women more credit for adapting to such an environment?

Yes. Black women should be given credit for adapting. Our conformity, as much as I don't like conforming to male-centered proclamations of African traditional laws and the like - ensured some semblance of discipline and sustained black family structures—which only needed the men to be present to fully function. It only needed the men to uphold his end of the deal. It only needed a man to just follow the rules he created, it has always been collaborative, never exclusionary, yet black men have made it so there should be a filter they have to go through in order to coexist. This is one thing women of this country deserve more than anything. They not only upheld their end of the deal, they fought the good fight, they kept promises, they were present through thick and thin for generations that would make changes. They stayed hoping that their children could benefit from a mere semblance of love and belief … and people have the nerve to say feminism is not a black woman's business.

3. Should a set of new rules be introduced for women's survival given their current climate?

I didn't think this question would be relevant when I was writing this article because I thought who would create said rules. I published this article in July 2024, and I had been drafting it since 2022. This is to say I've been wrong before. I was young and blind then, because what did I mean "who was going to create this rules"? Of course it was going to be women. It was always going to be women.

And the shift is massive. The shift is beautiful. It is poetic justice. Birth rates have declined in South Africa not because babies are going extinct, but because male-identified romantic structures are. GBV is higher than a kite and we carry handguns, pepper sprays, and tasers. Women are ostracizing one pick-me at a time, holding each other accountable. We're speaking up. We mobilize at the speed of sound to help out a fellow woman in trouble. We are protectors of girl children. We are not at the bottom and helpless. So to answer my 2022 self: yes, and it was long overdue then, and now.

4. Is the environment that harsh?

Yes. If nothing gets harsher than GBV, absent fathers, sexism, and princesses in male bodies…I don't know what is. And through all that, South African women have asked nothing more than to not be abused.

What part of this historical autopsy resonated most with you? Share your thoughts. For the full, unflinching dive into power dynamics, read the complete series on my Medium blog.